


Fragment of the Light

by NanakiBH



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Alternate Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Incest, M/M, Yandere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 06:19:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3840274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ludger found a way for them to stay together, though his solution came at a price.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fragment of the Light

**Author's Note:**

> Does this make complete sense? Probably not. I'm almost certain there's going to be a plothole in here somewhere because I don't know TOX2 as thoroughly as I know the first game, but I felt inspired and this just happened and it sounded really good.

With the first few weak rays of morning light crawling slowly across his cheek, Julius awoke. His eyes opened, adjusting gradually to the blurry shapes outside Ludger's bed. Almost immediately, a thought arose – the same thing he found on his mind the previous day and the day before that. It simply came to him unconsciously, startling him, making him question the perfect-seeming reality that he awoke within.

_This is real._

It was just that sort of thought. That was all, yet it was too much to accept. Like being handed a prize not won by his own hand, he felt unworthy – guilty, perhaps. Even when he carefully withdrew the arm that had been embracing his brother and lifted his hand, he couldn't believe what he saw. The darkness which had once been progressing along his arm, seeking to possess and consume his entire body like a lengthening shadow, had completely disappeared. Having gotten used to its foreboding presence, it almost felt unsettling to realize that it was gone. He had done nothing of his own to reverse it, and it was gone.

He had Ludger to thank. Ludger did this. Ludger performed this miracle. It was his unwavering, unapologetic love for him that had ultimately triumphed in the face of an impending, hopeless conclusion.

He was grateful, but Julius felt that he could stand to be more grateful. There was just something holding him back.

It was that look he'd seen. When he told his brother to take his life, to use him to stop the world's collapse, Ludger had refused. For a moment, Julius had felt happy, even though he realized that his brother's refusal would make the inevitable more difficult. As gently as he could, trying to convey as much conviction in his words as he could, he insisted that Ludger use him, but he still refused. He couldn't do it. Ludger made it clear that hurting him was something he couldn't do, no matter how he begged. Realizing that there would be no convincing him, the others advanced upon them. If he couldn't kill him, then they were going to have to force him. It was going to be pleasant for no one, but someone had to do it for the sake of the world.

Even as they approached, drawing their weapons, Ludger held him protectively, shaking and sobbing in confusion and abject fear. Julius had never seen him that way before and it frightened him, realizing that Ludger truly wouldn't be alright if he left him. Worse, if Ludger had to be the one to kill him, it might break him entirely. When one of them reached out to separate them, Ludger violently pushed them away, a roar tearing from his throat. He stood, his hands going to his sides, ready to draw his weapons if he had to.

With the situation growing more dire, Julius had tried his hardest to think of something, but there was nothing. If there had been a better solution, he was sure he would have already thought of it and it wouldn't have had to come to this. At that moment, when he looked up at him, it was hard to believe that the man standing there was his brother. He looked strong, but also intimidating and fierce, like a wild animal. Julius knew that he was just afraid. It was just Ludger's way of responding to something that his mind and heart couldn't accept, but it still terrified him to see him that way.

Ludger was ready to fight for him. If he had to, he would have killed all of them for him and then let the world fall apart, all so they could be together. They were the people Ludger had traveled with. They were his friends. Julius has seen how close they had become, but that moment made him realize that nothing in the world mattered more to Ludger than him.

It was awful, but Julius was happy. His brother loved him. Just as eager as he was to give up his life for him, Ludger would have sacrificed every person he called a friend for his sake. That sort of love had never felt right, but, somehow, it felt acceptable when they weren't far from the end of the world.

Ludger pulled out his watch and he took Julius's as well. Thinking that he was going to fight, the others prepared themselves, but then Ludger did something that none of them had any reason to expect.

Holding both watches close to his chest, he'd closed his eyes and then brought them to his lips, offering them a parting kiss before he drew one of his guns. Tossing the watches in the air, he fired a single shot and pierced both of them at once. Everyone watched in curious silence as the pair of watches clattered unceremoniously to the ground. As an ominous black smoke rose from them and drifted away on the ocean breeze, Ludger collapsed to his knees beside him and wrapped him in his arms, embracing him tightly.

They were confused, but there was no mistaking the nature of that black smoke. Within minutes, the dark that approached in the sky also began to recede. Lifting his hand, Julius was astonished to notice that even the blackness within his body was beginning to fade away. Everyone else stood there, confused and waiting, unsure of what to do after everything had been resolved with one bullet, seemingly without the sacrifice of any lives.

After that, they all went their separate ways. Ludger was normally quiet to begin with, but he didn't speak a word. His friends laughed and apologized for acting like they would attack him. That was a part of the past, they figured. They didn't hurt anyone, they thought. Everyone was still alive, so those threats didn't matter anymore. But Julius could clearly see how shaken Ludger was. He had just told him to kill him, and, had Ludger not found another plan, he would have killed his friends.

He wasn't alright.

When they were on their way home, on the final train that would bring them back to their home in Trigleph, Ludger leaned against his shoulder. For a moment, Julius thought he might have succumbed to exhaustion and fallen asleep, but Ludger's eyes were wide open; staring, thinking, yet completely blank. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking. Julius spied the hand on the armrest between them and considered placing his own over it, but it still felt inappropriate, especially when they were in public. Without any indication that he knew what he was thinking, Ludger reached over and grasped his hand, bringing it between them, entwining their fingers. Glancing down, Julius noticed the troubled crease in his brother's brow, so he rested his cheek against the top of his head, trying to comfort him, even if he could only do it in a way that wouldn't seem wrong to anyone who saw them.

They resumed a fairly normal life after that. It was normal for them.

Ludger's debt was absolved, but he didn't go back to work at the station. Mostly, he stayed at home and made their meals and took care of Rollo.

Julius couldn't bear to set foot in the Spirius building again. For the first few days after their return, he wondered when Ludger would question why he hadn't gone back to work, but that inquiry never arrived. He reasoned that Ludger was just happy to have him. He didn't care if he worked or if they had any money or if they needed to scrounge up coins from under their couch cushions to survive. Even if he didn't say it, Julius knew that Ludger was happy as long as he was alive, and nothing else mattered to him more. Ludger continued to live because he was also alive.

Eventually, he told Ludger that he was going to look for a new job. When he mentioned it to him, he saw that familiar distress return to his brother's distant eyes. He held him. Because they were in the privacy of their own home, he gave his lips a light kiss and caressed his cheek with his clean thumb, and he assured him that he wasn't going to do anything dangerous. He just needed something that would be enough to pay the bills, that was all. No more fighting. No more fractured dimensions. No more risk.

Ultimately, this was the reason they hadn't brought Elle with them. Not long after he mentioned it to Ludger, he got a new job; something quiet and relaxing in an office at a local company not far from home. He'd leave as the sun was rising and he'd come home before it got late, always on time for dinner with Ludger and Rollo, but he could tell that he wasn't handling it well. The time apart was difficult for him. It was something he had always been able to handle before, but now Ludger seemed skittish whenever he returned, like he was hiding his worry. Julius didn't like leaving him alone anymore either. He was afraid that Ludger wasn't taking care of himself.

That was why. If Ludger couldn't take care of himself, then he couldn't expect him to take care of a little girl. He might've been able to do it before, but that moment in Marksburg had affected him. Ludger rarely spoke of his friends anymore, never called them, and Julius wondered if he saw the girl now as something that had gotten between them.

That aside, their home was no place for a child now. At night, they indulged in the feelings that had been stirring within them since they were young. For a while, Julius continued to curse himself for allowing them to cross that forbidden boundary, but that was until he realized that the light only returned to Ludger's eyes when they made love. So desperate to feel his brother's happiness, he gave him whatever he needed, taking just as much as he needed for himself, feasting on the warmth that filled his heart every time he heard his brother say his name in the heat of passion.

Still, there was nothing he could do to make that light stay. Every morning, when Ludger opened his eyes, they were mysteriously blank. If he didn't do or say anything, Julius wondered if Ludger would just remain that way, like a doll. It wasn't until he held him and kissed him awake that Ludger would come alive.

That morning, something finally prompted him to mention it. It wasn't something he couldn't talk about. If he wanted Ludger to be happy, he had to say something about it eventually, anyway.

"Ludger, are you alright?" he asked, facing his brother's back.

It seemed that he understood what he really meant when he asked him that because Ludger's body stiffened, his shoulders becoming tense, his spine straightening like a rod. "I'm fine," he said, but before Julius could get in another word, Ludger continued, his voice tight and strangely insistent. "I have you now, so I'm fine."

If that were what it took to make him fine, then all of Julius's suspicions were correct and there was a lot for him to feel worried about. "What if I weren't here, though? What if you didn't have me here?"

Ludger's body trembled. "Why are you asking me that? You aren't going to leave me, are you?"

"No," he told him reassuringly, lifting a hand to gently stroke his hair. "No, I'm not going anywhere in the foreseeable future, but I still want to know. What would you do if I weren't here?"

Ludger curled up, wrapping his arms around his knees, pressing his face into them, making his body compact. It was like he was closing himself up, protecting himself. "I don't want to think about that."

That sort of reaction was distressing. "Please, Ludger. You'd be alright, wouldn't you?"

"I don't want to think about that," Ludger repeated quietly, his voice quivering and frightened. Even as Julius moved his hand to touch Ludger's shoulder, to let him know that he was there, that he was real and not going anywhere, Ludger continued to shake. "I don't want a world without you. I couldn't live without you."

That was precisely what Julius had been afraid of. He didn't plan on dying anytime soon, of course. Having this opportunity now, he was going to make sure that he spent every second he could with his brother, loving him the way that they'd both always wanted to love each other, but there was something worrying about the way that Ludger clung to him. Their relationship was strange, but Ludger's attachment to him didn't feel safe. There was no way for him to deny it now.

He didn't want for them to separate, but he needed to think about this responsibly. He was more than just Ludger's brother now, so that made him twice as responsible for him.

"It's okay," he said. Wrapping his arms around him, he placed a soft kiss to the base of Ludger's neck, trying to calm him. "I'm sorry for making you think about something unpleasant. I know how horrible that would be. I also couldn't bear to lose you, and I've done terrible things to ensure that you stay safe, but I think that you-" He paused, deciding to compromise with his own thoughts. "I think that we should probably see someone about this."

"No!" Ludger cried. The bed creaked as he turned over and put his arms around him, holding them chest-to-chest. "I have you now. I can't... I don't want to stop now. I love you, Julius. I love you so much. I don't want to let you go." The words spilled from his lips rapidly, one after another, and Julius could hear the fierce desperation that penetrated each word. Ludger had misinterpreted his intentions, but Ludger's feelings had certainly been made clear. Despite himself, knowing that he should only have Ludger's well-being in mind, Julius felt happy to hear his frantic confession, filled with a selfish sort of elation and satisfaction that was born from the countless hours and lives he has sacrificed for him.

They were both messed up.

It wasn't going to be a compromise. He needed treatment just as much as Ludger. It was going to be difficult to find someone who would respect their relationship, but he would be sure to research their options thoroughly. At the worst, he would have to ask Jude Mathis for his opinion; see if he knew of a doctor who could tackle their unique case. All he knew was that they couldn't keep going for too much longer like this. They loved each other, and he felt positive that there was nothing wrong with that love, but there was something twisted that motivated their emotions. They had been fighting for it for a long time, yet, even now that they had it, there was something that made them feel as though they needed to keep fighting for it.

Julius was afraid that something might happen.

If something were to threaten their relationship, he was afraid of Ludger's potential. He trusted him, but his love was so strong that it wouldn't stop him from killing if that were what it came to.

That day in Marksburg, Ludger let loose more than a bullet. Something was lost, and now that intense love was all that filled him.

What exactly happened that day was still a mystery. He wondered if their watches, which had followed them through multiple dimensions and seen them through difficult times had been transformed into a living thing to take their place. It sounded as possible as anything else, but Julius felt like he knew the truth.

He could find the most esteemed professional to help them, but there might not be anyone who could fix Ludger now. The light that filled his brother's eyes when they held each other was simply a reflection of his own. Ludger's might never return. Having said a prayer upon their watches, entrusting them with something delicate and precious, he had ended everything with loud finality.

That act was enough to finish it. No one had to see anyone die, but a sacrifice had been made.

The body against his own was warm, but Julius wondered how much of him remained. Ludger might have just become a mirror, reacting to his own feelings, his own fears and insecurities. Even if that were the case, he wanted to continue protecting him. It was the least that he could do after Ludger had sacrificed himself to give him this happiness.

He still had his brother, even if it were just a part of him, a fragment of the light.


End file.
